The Biblical In-QUIZ-ition: A Scriptural Ultra Sound Just for YOU!

by Tom McBride

the Biblical

The Biblical In-QUIZ-ition:

A Scriptural Ultra Sound Just for YOU!

By Ron Nief with Tom McBride

Nowhere in the Bible does it say you must KNOW the Bible in order to go to Heaven. But once upon a time in America people not only kept the Family Bible in a pride-of-household place. They read it daily. Above all, it was the linguistic sea they swam in. Hundreds 0f familiar phrases emerged from its tissue-thin pages. The Bible was a linguistic way of life. 

That was a while ago. How familiar are you with those days of yore? This little quiz—our own version of the old “inquisition” of the Late Middle Ages—is a quick and dirty way to find out. 

If you find yourself nodding in familiarity at most of this quiz, then, whatever else you may be, you are also Biblically literate.

If most of this is lost on you, then at least you’ll learn that some of America’s most famous phrases actually came from what used to be called The Good Book. There are worse things than not knowing that Job might have had a starving turkey and that “a house divided” didn’t originate with Lincoln. 

Have fun! Fifty flagellations with a wet scourge if you flunk. Or perhaps you should just make an exodus to YouTube for forty days and forty nights and watch some old Billy Graham clips.

Part 1: Paul and Mrs. Lott—TRUE OR FALSE

Paul preached that robbing Peter to pay Paul was OK with him.

Coveting the folks next door is a neighborly thing to do.

Sweet Honey from the Rock was a drummer with a Reggae band..

Mrs. Lot was on a high sodium diet.

The three kings were Hart, Shaffner, and Marx.

Part 2: Weeping on the Banks

The Israelites sat down and wept by which river?

  a. The Tigris

  b. The Euphrates

  c. The Sewanee

  d. The Hudson

  e. All of the above     

Part 3: Ezekiel and the Land of Nod: Answer Yes or No

Did Jonah sing with the fishes?

If I offer a mea culpa, should you respond with your own culpa?

Was the celestial vision limited by the moat in God’s eye?

Did Job have a pet turkey?

Should I report sightings of a pale horse to my therapist or just assume everybody sees them?

Did Ezekiel have a set of wheels?

Is R.I.P. the proper zombie un-greeting?

Are the Seven Seals a circus act?

Do Simple Gifts include cheese and wine?

Is Biblical Exegesis the version written with no mention of Christ?

Part 4: Armageddon and the Burning Bush: TRUE OF FALSE

1. Armageddon is the battle where Henry V ended the Hundred Years War.

2. Gideon bibles are left behind by traveling salesmen.

3. The Potter’s Field was a disputed real estate development in “A Wonderful Life.”

4. “Turn, turn, turn” and “sitting shiva” are yoga poses.

5. Eschatological and scatological are two ways of looking at the end.

6. If not watered, the flowers of the field will grow into burning bushes.

7. Forty days and forty nights was the length of a month in the before times.

8. Jacob was a wrestler.

9. The Morning Star is a newspaper.

10. The New Jerusalem is neither a suburb nor a hippie commune.

11. Frank, Incense and Myrrh is not a law firm.

12. The biblical weatherman taught that a red sky at night is a sailor’s delight and also suggested the sun also rises.

13. Sodom and Gomorrah are New Jersey suburbs that have been there absolutely forever.

14. The Twelve Tribes was the basis for the Canadian Hockey League.

15. Saving the best wine until last is the first rule of the afterparty.

16. The watchman on the wall and the elf on the shelf have much in common.

17. Beware the tittle and jot, though they amount to relatively little.

18. For Job, the skin of his teeth was worn down by weeping and gnashing.

19. The voice of the turtle is heard throughout the land only during mating season.

20. A coat of many colors will turn to sackcloth given time.

21. The Apostle Thomas was not only doubting, he was generally late.

22. When Jesus said a house divided could not stand, he was quoting Lincoln.

Part 5: Extra Indulgence

If you inherit the wind, what do you wind up with?

The Land of Nod is or is not a safe place to sleep?

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