2003 List

  1. Most of this year’s students entering college were born in 1981.
  2. They are the first generation to be born into Luvs, Huggies, and Pampers.
  3. John Lennon and John Belushi have always been dead.
  4. There has always been a woman on the Supreme Court, and women have always been traveling into space.
  5. They have never needed a prescription to buy ibuprofen.
  6. They never realized that for one brief moment, Gen. Alexander Haig was “in charge.”
  7. They never heard Walter Cronkite suggest that “That’s the way it is.”
  8. They were born and grew up with Microsoft, IBM PCs, in-line skates, NutraSweet, fax machines, film on disks, and unregulated quantities of commercial interruptions on television.
  9. Somebody named Dole has always been running for something.
  10. Cats has been on Broadway all their lives.
  11. While they all know her children, they have no idea who “Ma Bell” was.
  12. They never heard anyone say, “Book ‘em, Dano,” “Good night, John-boy,” or “Kiss my grits,” in prime time.
  13. They never knew Madonna when she was like a virgin.
  14. Mike Myers is the Spy Who Shagged Me not the first congressman expelled from that body in a century for his role in “Abscam.”
  15. They have never had to worry about the packaging of Tylenol.
  16. Yugoslavia has never existed.
  17. They have never seen Bob Marley perform reggae live.
  18. Jesse Jackson has always been getting someone out of trouble someplace.
  19. Strikes by highly paid athletes have been a routine part of professional athletics.
  20. The moonwalk is a Michael Jackson dance step, not a Neil Armstrong giant step.
  21. John Cougar has always been John Cougar Mellencamp, or vice versa.
  22. Travel to space has always been accomplished in reusable spacecraft.
  23. The term “adult” has increasingly come to mean “dirty.”
  24. The year they were born, reports condemned violence on television and in Hollywood films for producing the likes of John Hinckley.
  25. They have always been able to get their news from USA Today and CNN.
  26. They have spent more than half their lives with Bart Simpson.
  27. They don’t understand why Solidarity is spelled with a capital “S.”
  28. They don’t think there is anything terribly futuristic about 2001, and were never concerned about the year 1984.
  29. They have no idea how big a breadbox is.
  30. Camelot refers to King Arthur’s seat of government, not John Kennedy’s.
  31. President Kennedy’s assassination is as significant to them as that of Lincoln or Garfield.
  32. They have probably never dialed a phone or opened an icebox.
  33. The only thing a “churchkey” has ever opened for them is a church.
  34. They have never seen white smoke over the Vatican and do not know its significance.
  35. They cannot identify the last United States President to throw-up on a Japanese prime minister.
  36. Ketchup has always been a vegetable.
  37. Susan B. Anthony has always been on the dollar but probably never bought them anything.
  38. They cannot imagine waiting a generation to get the dirt on the U.S. President.
  39. They felt pretty special when their elementary school had top-of-the-line Commodore 64s.
  40. ET, Gremlins, and The Hulk provided their Halloween costumes and lunch box themes.
  41. They were introduced to Kramer on the TV show Friday’s.
  42. They remember when Saturday Night Live was still funny.
  43. They have never seen a BankAmericard.

In all fairness to this latest generation of entering college students, we this year add a list of items that only a child of the ’80s can explain…don’t ask us!

  1. They owned and operated a “trapper keeper.”
  2. They can explain the “cha-ching” thing.
  3. They know what a “burnout” is.
  4. They know what “psych” means.
  5. During time in the arcade, they actually lined up quarters on the top panel of the game to “reserve” a spot.
  6. They know the profound meaning of “Wax on, Wax off.”
  7. They know that another name for a keyboard is a “synthesizer.”
  8. They can name at least half of the members of the elite “Brat Pack.”
  9. They know who Tina Yothers is.
  10. They felt ashamed when Rob Lowe got in trouble for having sex with minors and videotaping it, because they liked him.
  11. They know who Max Headroom is.
  12. They could breakdance, or wished they could.
  13. Partying “like it’s 1999” seemed SOOO far away.
  14. They thought that “transformers” were more than meets the eye.
  15. They can, right now, hum the theme to Inspector Gadget.
  16. They wanted to be on Star Search.
  17. They can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
  18. They wore banana clips at some point during their youth, or knew someone who did.
  19. They owned a doll with “Xavier Roberts” signed on its rear, or knew someone who did.
  20. They knew what Willis was “talkin’ ’bout.”
  21. They HAD to have their MTV.
  22. They hold a special place in their hearts for Back to the Future.
  23. They thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool.
  24. They actually thought Dirty Dancing was a REALLY good movie.
  25. They collected Garbage Pail Kids.
  26. They actually saw Ted Danson as the MacDaddy he played “Sam” to be.
  27. They remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system.
  28. They own(ed) cassette singles.
  29. They were led to believe that, in the year 2000, we’d all be living on the moon.
  30. They owned pieces of the Care Bear Glass collection from Pizza Hut.
  31. Poltergeist freaked them out.
  32. They have occasionally pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf.
  33. They know what a Doozer is.
  34. They wore bike shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish, or knew someone who did.
  35. They had Swatch Watches.
  36. They had WonderWoman or Superman underoos.
  37. They know what a “Whammee” is.